My room smells like vodka and shame
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Randomize
