Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
