im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
