There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
