I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
