I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
