U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
