I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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