He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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