Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
