tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
