its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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