dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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