South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
this just has baby written all over it
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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