I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
