My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Randomize
