Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
