Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Tornado booty call.. dedication
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
