Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
