Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
