"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
