the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
