I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
