True but thats because hes a fetus.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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