Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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