my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
