This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
