he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
