Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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