And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
as a side note pls kill me
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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