My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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