If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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