addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
