i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
