the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
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