every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
