Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
