summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
