I got chris browned last night
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
