We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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