i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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