his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
