Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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