The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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