Jerry, you need to find god
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
