No more Irish car bombs ever.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Randomize
