The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
