She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
