Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
