i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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