Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
